mosuku ame

I watched Clerks, as it was bought for me.  Found it crass and rude, all fast-talking machismo and little else.  Turned it off, it wasn't to my liking.  I had a dream that all my failings and secrets were exposed somehow by some clever fogle who uncovered my freakishness and decided to out it to the world, much to my utter disbelief.  It was a real horrorshow, I was still in shock when       I awoke to the morning bordering on afternoon light, all greens and blues and summer sunshine, lonely and bored with the day already, no-one to spend it with.  Got back from our walk in the country which I was unfazed by but would have found lovely if only I'd someone to see it with... it's been all I can think about, recently, which is very sad as it seems far away and alien to me as zimmer frames and false teeth and wizened figures.  I keep watching animes; Beck, Shuffle! DeathNote, Beyblade, then not bothering to watch the second episodes.  Beck I liked, could relate to.  DeathNote was odd, but I preferred it to the movie,  Shuffle I disliked, Beyblade I found was lamer than I had remembered it... everything is lackluster and jaded these days, but maybe it's better not to have had anything at all and to dream about it than to have had and lost it, I dunno.  The gym instructor smiled at me from his seat at the computer where we the customers can see him and he can see us.  He's kind of cute in a Mikey Way sort of way, when he had glasses, only with blondey-brown hair and many tattoos and piercings.  More muscular too.  Oh, how pathetic am I.  I felt so lonely that when he smiled at me I felt a creeping inner warmth... I'll stop now.