'when I first met you, my head was in nineteen eighty-three.'

Have you ever spoken to someone who made you feel colours and see time?

I seem to have some way along the line got lost in a whirlwind of emotions and memories, each time the sadness washing over me and saturating me with its silken, liquid glove. I feel very alone, but what worries me is that I cannot remember if I have always felt this way, I find myself not being able to remember where I was this time last week. This disturbs me, and I also fear that the people I like are gradually drifting away from me because love, love will tear us apart, again. It could be my fault somehow, although I don't know how. I still haven't really figured out how, although I'm sure there is a way. I feel kind of invisible from day to day, as though someone draped a cloak of invisibility over me in my sleep, and I haven't yet worked out how to remove it or where it even is on my person.
All the while, I'm asking 'when will it end?' every single tumultuous event, perceived as 'entertaining' by others makes me want to crawl back under the covers and remain there forevermore in warm security, doubting nothing for the rest of eternity. Every day brings nothing but exhaustion, and I long to sleep forever and never have to think or feel again, because it all feels like too much to handle, but at the same time I feel constantly lonely and long for affection.





_____________ comfort number 789989756_______________


I once had a dream
it was just a lie to myself

in my dream
I was surrounded by everyone else
and time just seemed to dance by

why couldn't I see that having everyone
is just the same as having no-one?

now the dream has passed
I have grown older
I have lost time's favour
as the sky grows darker
no-one will call.

_________________