I think I might just turn out to be one of those unfortunate but ordinary people who has a dull but safe passage into adulthood, without experiencing anything much in between because their parents are too protective/untrusting of them/the outside world to let them do anything that could possibly be fun and exciting to a lonely teenager bored with everyday life, like going to gigs, parties with alcohol, holidays with friends or trips to London. hmm. Right now I find myself quite frankly not giving a damn if I get injured or scared, as long as I don't turn out a boring person with no significant real life experiences. 'Where is the excitement? We'll throw ourselves at it!' said the voice in my head whilst I was sitting on the concrete steps outside the gym in the baking heat. This will sound strange and probably like I'm schizophrenic or something, but I wonder if it is normal to hear voices in one's head? I spend a lot of my time researching mental illnesses on the net and keep trying to diagnose myself with some of them in order to explain it, but I don't know enough to really say. The voices have never been a problem for me, just sometimes there's a multitude of them all talking at once and it gets distracting, or sometimes it's just one and I have a conversation with it. I read that persistent feelings of unhappiness and low self-esteem are unnatural, so this must be too... I've never thought to tell my parents about it because 1- I don't want them to think I'm mentally fucked again, like when I cut myself because of bullying at the age of 11 and 2- I don't want to cost them any more money than I already have.
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