'can't stand on your own in these times'

My days are spent anticipating something better.  If I travelled back in time as a different person and met Ian Curtis, would I be able to tell him how I felt?  The album Closer feels like some strange extension of consciousness, maybe de-personalization on his behalf due to his epilepsy, or some great prophecy he made before death.  Anyway, in some obscure way I grasp everything that is being said.   

   If I was not so introspective, my life would be dastardly simple.  Today, we were sitting at the dinner table and my brother said "Can I take prescription drugs to make me not afraid of planes?" We were talking about holidays and travelling places, and my brothers, aged 9 and 12, were expressing their dislike of airplanes and desire to remain in the house, never going anywhere except to the computer monitors.  I hate the way we're growing up here, there's such an utter lack of things to physically do.  We're becoming miserable; I have no social life whatsoever, my exams have finished and I sit at home each day seeing nobody and they're becoming reluctant to venture out of the house.  I just want some people to have adventures with, and sit with and ponder whether or not the world will end in the night-time.

        I hope kids won't hate me at my new school, because that would be the worst case scenario.  Marooned in a sea of vicious waifs and muscular man-boys with doglike faces, all trying desperately to de-virginize themselves.  Why? I wonder if they realize what a blight they are upon the face of man and how insufferable so many of us find them.  I couldn't stand being one, or being amongst them.  All you savage, ignorant sloths who have antagonized and torn and worn my every strip of confidence and self esteem down to the bone, did you know how much I hated you?  Could you sense it? I wished the roof would collapse on top of you.  I wished you to be reborn, only to suffer horribly, all the time with every memory of what you have done to me, what you have destroyed forever.  And not individually, for antagonism and fascism is always faceless-nameless.  Universally.  I get depressed from all this loneliness, though all around me are the sounds, sights and smells of summer.  All I can do is listen to the voice of a dead man, singing 'a loaded gun won't set you free, or so they say'  and sit inside in the darkness.  I could write a story like I used to when I was a kid, but I'd only end up disappointing myself  and all the space around me.  Why are all the people I like dead?  And how do I add videos here? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFTHwVfeJag