where have they been?

I'm going to be 16 tomorrow and I don't want to be 
I've spent the most part of my last day as a 'child' wandering about town on my own and being looked at in the wrong way by strange men everywhere on my way to the library and in the library itself, which made me feel filthy  and disgusting and low-down.
     Then I came home and had lunch, spoke to my mother and went to my room to watch Kenshin, where I cried my eyes out. Now I am to be an adult and I've had an existence as a nonentity all this time, and I have never even had a social life... oh, well.  Unless my friend circle consisted of the most trustworthy, kindhearted individuals I could ever befriend then I wouldn't enjoy it anyway, probably just spend my time in a corner, trying to shy away from everyone or something.  I'm like a toy that has malfunctioned, a pet dog with a history of abuse and neglect.  The people I encounter don't and can't understand how my past has affected me, they'll treat me just the same as one of them and I won't be able to take it like a normal person should.  I should try being happy sometime, go out and meet the people who are meant to be significant in my teenage life like my mother and so many nameless, faceless others say.  As though going out there and risking losing the nothingness I have to show for my life is the easiest thing in the world and it's my decision to be a sleepy, prudish homebird without a life.  No matter what they say, nothingness is still something, and I'm too scared to give that up and be ridiculed.  Not again.  It hurts too much.