don't mix your drinks

 My life is filled with Japanese music and air conditioned days scented with stale sweat at the gym and thinking I can't draw and then being able to draw and reading classic novels just to prove myself to myself and watching the odd movie, thinking about Ian Curtis and what I would say if I met him again in a dream.  Probably 'You are the only one who has ever transcended the notion of an excellent poet and lyricist for me, nobody's lyrics have ever intrigued me as much as yours, thank you so much.'

  hmm,  a bit too fawning.  I'll have to work on it.  I think if I met him in my dream again I'd rather just give him a big hug though.

     My parents should have taken me to hospital for an EEG scan after I had that first seizure.  I read up about epilepsy so now I know, although I'm not sure if it's epilepsy as it hasn't happened since I think.  It's because I was alone when it happened, I was in my room on the floor doing my art homework and I decided to stand up.  The next thing I knew I was on the floor, my chair had been knocked over and there was paint smudged all over my thigh and work and I knew I had bitten my tongue because it was despondent and strange and floppy in my mouth.  It was all so confusing, I couldn't remember anything in between being on the floor and getting up and had no idea of how long I had been on the floor for.  I told my parents and they just told me I had probably 'just fallen asleep again'.  Might have been a tonic clonic seizure though, I dunno. I'm reading The Way By Swann's by Proust, it is quite philosophical and puzzling but I shall persevere.